The Waiting Game

Now that I'm in week 37 of this pregnancy, labor could theoretically happen any time between now and 4-5 weeks from now.

Around this time, the women on my baby internet boards go a little insane. I'm a member of what's probably the largest baby-centric website out there. It also caters to the lowest common denominator of pregnant woman -- it's like the AOL of baby boards. Okay, that sounded meaner than I meant it to, but it's also kind of true. These women are on the younger side, with a lot of military wives and pregnant teenagers. They're not especially well-read, as a general rule. They tend towards groupthink and are prone to panic. This last one especially.

The result is that you've got this restless melting pot of bored, hormonal, excitable pregnant women desperate for an excuse to stop concentrating on their physical and emotional discomfort. So when a meme sweeps through the board, everyone suddenly takes it extremely seriously and literally dozens upon dozens of threads are started to discuss it.

Right now, it's castor oil. Apparently, if you take a lot of it, you can possibly induce labor early if one type of abdominal cramp (the usual kind) triggers a different kind (baby-producing contractions.)  The board is passionately split on whether taking castor oil to induce early labor is a terrible idea that will potentially harm your child, or God's gift to uncomfortable pregnant women. It's not something I'd ever try, but it's also the most extreme of a long, loooooooong list of ways women have come up with to induce labor early.

Seems like everyone has their fail-safe suggestion for getting that baby out weeks before your body's prepared to do the deed on its own. Here are merely a few of the more popular ones:

- Evening primrose oil suppositories
- Spicy food
- Walking miles every day
- Sex every night
- Nipple stimulation for five minutes at fifteen minute intervals for three hours every day
- Eggplant parmesan
- This or that restaurant's "special salad" (every city has one)
- Bouncing on an exercise ball
- Mass quantities of pineapple

Listen...here's how I feel about all of this. I'm in pain. I'm uncomfortable. I don't sleep much. Our little girl is probably topping 7 lbs at this point, according to the latest ultrasounds, and I don't relish the idea of another month of grow-time.

But I don't want this baby to come out earlier than it needs to! I mean don't get me wrong -- if my body decides that 38 weeks is all the time it needs to bake her and so delivers her two weeks ahead of schedule, NOBODY will be happier about that than I will. But in the meantime, I feel like there's something distinctly weird about trying to coax her out by tricking my body into thinking it's done gestating before it really is.

I read these women's stories on the internet board, now that it's September and dozens of women on the September birth board are delivering every day. And while most of them are healthy deliveries, I also notice a trend: the babies who are born a few weeks early reflect the risks that come with early delivery. They spend a night, or several, in the NICU instead of in the postpartum room with their parents. They don't get skin-on-skin time with their moms right away but are whisked away to be hooked up to IVs and monitors. Mostly they're fine after the first day or two and are sent home perfectly healthy -- but for those first few hours, it's much more touch-and-go. It just goes to show that even three weeks can make a difference in the overall health of the baby. Even ONE week can make a difference. And the thought of delivering my daughter, then watching her be taken away from me before I've had a chance to hold and cuddle and feed her, hurts too much to think about.

So all right then, baby. You win. Take all the time you like -- at least, up until your due date. If you haven't appeared by then, it's open season on your tiny little butt.

CastorOil