I Snore Now

Snoring has always been the one thing I could confidently give Scott a hard time about. Well, that and his habit of absentmindedly rubbing his hands together while ordering food at a restaurant, as if he's a cartoon villain sharing the details of his latest diabolical plot. But that's just really cute. The snoring, not so much.

He's always been a snorer, but we've figured out a way to maintain a good sense of humor about it. I compromise by wearing earplugs on the rare nights that it really bothers me. He compromises by not getting grumpy when I wake him up to turn him over by leaning into his ear and whisper-yelling, "Honey. You're SNORING."

But neither of us really knows how to deal with this new symptom of my pregnancy: I now snore. A lot. Every night.

It's not like cute, petite girl-snoring, either. It's like that choking, rat-tat-tat machine-gun type snoring where you're struggling to pull air in and you wake yourself up from a combination of suffocation and sheer noise. As of last week, I discovered that the only safe position was to sleep on my left side -- that way I didn't snore. And it's easier than you'd imagine to sleep in one position all night, because turning over is such a huge pain-in-the-ass procedure these days that I'm not likely to change positions accidentally in the middle of the night.

But last night was the first night that, no matter what position I shifted into, the snoring would not go away. Every time I was about to slide into sleep, I'd feel my own breath catch in my throat and hear a giant, loud HUUUUUUUNK sound and then Scott would get up and stomp his way into the bathroom, which in husband language means "You are really, really irritating me right now but I am too polite to say so."

Now, after so many years teasing my husband about his own breathing issues, I finally know what he's been going through. Sleep apnea both sucks and blows.