Getting Creative

Can I just say, as an aside, that it's miraculous how a three-hour nap and a giant crap can improve a baby's mood?

I had to get creative in two ways today, because the universe is making it difficult to meet my child's simple needs, which really all boil down to: change my diaper, feed me some food I like, keep me entertained, and let me sleep. (The Four Commandments of Child Rearing?) To begin with, she seems to be teething again. The last 24 hours have been pretty miserable. I'm constantly being treated to a fussy half-cry-half-whine that most closely resembles the sound an airplane makes when, just before take-off, the pilot takes it up to full-throttle. It's hard to listen to that all day.

The last time she teethed and things got really bad, I was able to treat the problem with an occasional dose of Infant Tylenol. This time around, guess what? Every freaking bottle of Infant Tylenol in the United States has been recalled. Guess what else? Infant Motrin has been recalled, too. Guess what a third time? All the generic brands of these two medicines has flown off the shelves and is nearly impossible to find.

After visiting two markets and a drugstore with no luck, I've turned to more conventional home remedies: cold teethers, frozen washcloths, and Orajel. Okay, so Orajel isn't a "home remedy." It's a freaking remedy, and I'll take what I can get right now.

The other problem is a little more unique: we've been trying to figure out a way to get Sadie to drink more water. It might not seem like a big deal for a baby to drink water considering she drinks five bottles of formula a day, but she also eats a lot of solid food and trust me, the water helps to keep everything moving at a nice, brisk pace.

Unfortunately, she has developed an intense hatred for sippy cups. When you bring one to her mouth she turns her head away, all, "No THANK YOU ma'am." Scott discovered one day that she likes having water squirted into her mouth via squeeze bottle, which was fun for awhile, but also insanely messy. Also mock me all you want, but the idea of showing up to her new day care next week with a giant Arrowhead bottle with a squirt cap is just too embarrassing to contemplate.

"Yes, this is how she drinks water. Yes, I'm aware this is for adults. Yes, that is spilled water all over the front of her onesie. You'll probably need to change her clothes four or five times a day."

It's unlikely they'd cotton to my other method for hydrating her: wetting down a washcloth when she takes a bath and letting her suck on it, like it's her idea to drink water rather than mine.

In desperation, I've turned to the internet for help. Turns out people have all sorts of inventive methods for getting their kids to consume water, from putting ice cubes in a mesh bag that hangs from the baby's neck to feeding it to them from a spoon. Since I don't have the mesh bag and we own enough stuff, I tried the spoon option. And hey, what do you know? She was all about the spoon. Sadly the spoon is not a long-term solution, but if I have to instruct the day care employees to spoon-feed my kid water, well, I'm guessing they've heard stranger things.

Oh.

As you guys know if you've been keeping up to date with my incredibly boring sleep-related blog updates, Sadie was driving us both batty with the random 5am wake-ups, at which point she always wanted to eat before going back to sleep for another 90 minutes if we were lucky.

It was what finally encouraged me to start considering making the switch from breastfeeding to formula, something I wasn't especially inclined to do otherwise -- everyone kept telling us that formula fed babies sleep longer. To which I wanted to say, "But you guys don't understand. She always slept FINE up until six weeks ago. Hunger isn't the problem. The problem is...crap, I don't know what the problem is. Babies are weird."

Making this switch -- even considering making this switch -- has inspired a deep-seated guilt that I wasn't prepared for. Because why would I feel guilty? Fewer than 20% of American mothers are still breastfeeding their children past the age of six months, and here I've been going for seven and a half. The reasons for this guilt are many, and I won't go into them in too much detail -- not because I don't want to, but because I don't feel like I should have to, and the fact that I still do is all kinds of messed up. Let's just say that it can be difficult to be a modern American mother and speak the word "formula," if you aren't prepared to deal with a lot of raised eyebrows and tsking.

So anyway, we talked about it a lot and I cried a couple of times and ultimately I came up with this ABSURDLY complicated gameplan for weaning Sadie which involves not just slowly increasing the number of bottles she takes per day, but also decreasing the amount of breast milk in each bottle while upping the amount of formula, which by the way MUST BE ORGANIC and kind of smells like fish and the first time I sniffed it I thought, "Sadie is going to HATE this stuff and she will never forgive me for not letting her nurse until she was three years old like the crunchy mothers say I should do and OH MY GOD I AM A BAD MOM."

Okay. Well. This week, we implemented The Plan.

The Plan, I should mention, involved not just introducing formula into her diet, but also discouraging her 5am wake-ups by trying to allow her to cry herself back to sleep. We've been prepared for a very rough week, in other words.

Here's how it went:

Monday: Nursing, bottle, bottle, bottle, nursing, bed. She couldn't get enough of the bottles. By the end of the day she was like, "Oh, what? Boobs? No really, I couldn't drink another drop." And then she slept through the night without a peep.

Tuesday: Repeat of Monday.

Wednesday: Repeat of Tuesday, with the exception that I made the stupid error of skipping a feeding mid-day because she didn't seem hungry. Along came the 5am wake-up, finally, at which point it was like a big flashing light in my head said: YOU IDIOT, SHE'S BEEN HUNGRY THIS WHOLE TIME. THAT'S WHY SHE'S WAKING UP CRYING AT 5AM.

So, duh. There you have it. We've been beating ourselves up for making the switch to formula, convinced we were doing it for purely selfish reasons, only to discover that Sadie is fuller, happier and sleeping better all around. I kind of wish I'd done it sooner, except that I don't, because every time I think about the fact that I won't be sharing that special time with her anymore, those silent 5am feedings where she falls asleep in my arms in the rocking chair while the world sleeps, it makes me want to cry a little bit more.

The Contents of Our Freezer at This Very Moment

Check it out.

Baby food

I made more baby food, froze it and then stored it in freezer bags to save space. See all the frozen cubes of pears, avocados, bananas, peas and apples, each in their own conveniently labeled baggie?

Yes, I mean those baggies next to the boxes of TV dinners.

Yes, I'm talking about the ones on top of the vodka bottles.

Why are you giving me that look?

Healthy Sleep Habits, Fictitious Babies

They say that there's no point in trying to hold a baby to a routine; as soon as you figure one out, their habits change. That certainly seems to be holding true for our baby. While she held to a fairly predictable pattern up through the first six months of her life, for the past month she's been enjoying changing things up on us daily.

Her sleep habits were the first thing to change, starting with waking in the middle of the night throughout her growth spurt and continuing afterward. We had one particularly hellish night a couple of weeks ago during which she woke up every hour or two, screaming for me to come in and feed her. See, I'd gotten into the habit of nighttime nursings during the growth spurt because she was so constantly, desperately hungry all the time. Now she was no longer hungry, but still used to having me answer her cries by picking her up and nursing her.

Finally, we had to break her of that habit by doing the Ferber thing -- going in to comfort her every few minutes while she cried, but refusing to pick her up. Needless to say she HATED that, but it was short-lived. After one night of crying, she seemed to remember how to self-soothe; the very next night she slept a full 12 hours. Since then, though, it's been touch and go. Some nights she'll sleep without interruption; the next night she'll wake up two or three times. We go in and put her paci back in her mouth, turn on her musical nightlight and she goes right back to sleep, usually, but the aggravating part is not knowing how soundly she'll sleep from one night to the next.

(We've been having arguments about whether or not to wean her off the pacifier, by the way. Pros: it really does pacify. When she wakes up at night, putting the paci in helps her fall back to sleep immediately. Cons: She needs to have it in order to fall asleep, which means if it falls out she yells until one of us comes to put it back in. Right now we're at a crossroads: do we try to teach her how to put it back in by herself, or do we phase it out before it comes to that?)

Nap times are even less predictable, and for the life of me I can't figure out how to establish a regular nap routine. Even when Sadie wakes up at the same time each morning, her needs are different throughout the day. Sometimes she exhausts herself playing and wants to nap again after only an hour; other times she refuses to nap for 2 or 2 1/2 hours. Sometimes naps are 45 minutes long; other times they are 90 minutes, and most of the time they fall somewhere in between. Putting her to bed at the same time each night makes no difference; there simply seems to be no rhyme or reason to it.

Feeding is a little more consistent than napping, thanks to a regular solid food schedule of three meals a day around 7:30, 11:30 and 5:30. But her hunger level varies -- sometimes she wolfs down a double serving, other times she's uninterested in more than a few bites. Interestingly, the increased solids have done nothing to dampen her enthusiasm for nursing -- actually, the opposite is true. She's started using me as a snack stand. If I so much as hold her on my lap she twists and wriggles, trying to clamp onto me like a lamprey. If I give in and feed her, she loses interest after five minutes, only to be hungry again an hour later. All of this is why I'm starting to toy with the idea of phasing out breastfeeding, which is something I'll address in another post.

6 Month Check-In

Happy half-birthday, Sadie.

Anything I try to express about how fast these past months have gone or how much it blows our mind that she's as big as she is, will only come off as trite and boring. So why not go to my defacto complaining?

It used to be so much easier to put her down for a nap. Now she finds everything interesting, from the silhouette of her hand in front of her face, to the little faces on the feet of her pajama bottoms, to the toys hanging from her broken mobile that doesn't even move. It is an immobile. Yet she is fascinated by it. Not to mention her newfound ability to wiggle means that she no longer stays where you put her. Scooting backwards, that's ancient history. She mastered that weeks ago, and now prefers to sleep with her head mashed up into the corner of the crib. No, today she discovered how to use her legs to push herself around sideways in a circle, like imagine Donald O'Connor bicycling in circles while lying on the floor in "Singing in the Rain." As I type this, I can see her on the baby monitor and she's lying cross-wise with her head up against the crib bumper, playing with her nightlight with her feet.

Yet STILL no rolling. At her six-month doctor's appointment on Monday, the pediatrician listened as we explained that she doesn't roll.

"Oh, lots of babies don't like to roll back to belly. But she rolls belly to back, right?"

Um, no. She doesn't roll AT ALL.

"Oh. Really?"

That's not what you want to hear a pediatrician say. Of course, she followed it up immediately with the reassurance that Sadie will figure it out on her own time and we shouldn't worry. I'm not worried, really. She already sits up perfectly well -- today she managed a 10-second stretch before toppling over -- but Scott's a little anxious. I think he has a mental image of a 15 year old daughter who just lies on her back all day, tugging at the toys on her mobile and chewing on her pacifier. Still, the day she finally rolls for the first time will be the day we celebrate.

What else? Oh, feeding. Hoo boy. Her stats at the doctor were a little troubling: while she's in the 90th percentile for height for her age, she's only in the 25th percentile for weight. We got the instructions to begin feeding her three times a day instead of her usual one, and that has proved more of a challenge than I had anticipated. She loves oatmeal, you see, but she's highly suspicious of everything else. Her reaction to apples was as follows: *confused face* *rapid inhale* *choking sound* *saliva and apple puree all over her bib, her face and her tray* *fussing*.

But all that is nothing compared with her reaction to her sippy cup. For reasons I cannot comprehend, her sippy cup inspires only her deepest and most passionate emotions, from fascination "Wow! This thing has handles, and it dispenses water!" to utter terror "I want this thing nowhere near my face! AAAAAAAAAAGH!" Twice, a feeding session has been ruined when the sippy cup got a little too close and she burst into hysterical tears. What, I wonder, is the big deal with the sippy cup? And will I have to banish it to the cupboard so I can distract her long enough to tolerate apples?

To Breast or not to Breast?

Moms who read this blog...I'm very curious to know whether or not you were pressured to breastfeed over formula feed -- and, in the case of the older generations, were you pressured NOT to breastfeed back when it was out of vogue? How did you make your choice? What were the factors you based your decision on -- work obligations? Physical difficulties?

I've been reading many articles on the matter, this being the most recent one to get me thinking: Are the Benefits of Breastmilk Oversold?

Moms-to-be, dads, those with no intention of ever having children...what are your feelings on the matter? Do you feel strongly one way or another?

I find the current debate today over breastfeeding to be fascinating. Moms who formula feed complain of pressure, guilt, from society, even if they have legitimate reasons for having chosen formula over breastfeeding. And who is to say whether a reason is "legitimate" or not? Is it selfish to "deprive" your baby of breastmilk simply because you didn't have the time to do it properly, or you had difficulty with the process and weren't willing to put yourself through weeks or months of pain?

I can offer my own story: I was lucky enough to want to breastfeed and to have the opportunity -- I've been working from home, my daughter had no difficulties latching on. I did NOT choose to breastfeed because of the insistence of our birthing class teacher, or La Leche League, or anybody else, that breast is best. I already knew I wanted to try, on a very personal level.

My reasons for continuing to do it, to be honest, are mostly selfish at this point. I love the experience. If I had a need to switch to formula, then I would be reluctant -- not because I feel that formula is not as good as breast milk, but because I've enjoyed sharing the time with Sadie. (I suppose I'd also miss the convenience -- heating up a bottle at 3am is never as easy as opening up the nursing bra.)

However, with that said, I always feel annoyed when people ask me if I'm breastfeeding and then, when I say yes, nod with approval and say, "Good for you!" Why do I need their approval? What are they thinking when someone responds, "No, I'm not?" Why is it any of their business how I nourish my child?

If you feel so inclined please leave a comment, I would love to hear your thoughts.

4 Months and Growing

Last week Sadie had her four month check-up. She continues to be about average to slightly above-average in weight (clocking in at 13 lbs. 12 oz now), but the real shock was her height. She went from average length at her 2 month check-up, to 80th percentile this time around (25 1/2"). "She has the legs of a nine-month-old," our pediatrician informed us cheerfully. Well, that explains why her feet are busting out the bottom of her 6 month sized pajamas. Unfortunately, she's also pretty skinny, which means that even though her legs are long, her body is thin, so all the material in her clothes bunches around her body and occasionally into her face. She'll be rocking the 6 month size awhile longer before I can move her into the next size up.

Sadie was none too happy to get her vaccinations. I think it was worse than last time, in fact, because her lungs are better developed and she's a lot more in the moment than she was at 9 weeks. I made Scott be the one to hold her arms down this time, so he could know what it feels like to be the bad guy. That turned out to be a mean thing to do -- I think it really upset him. At any rate, she was fussy for a few days afterward, but went back to her normal happy self fairly quickly.

I don't imagine there's an actual connection, but it seems like her vaccination weeks always come hand in hand with some new developmental leap. Last time, the day she got her shots was also the day she first laughed (not at the same time. Naturally). This time, she seems to have discovered her feet. Her new favorite pasttime is lying on her back, grabbing her legs and attempting to shove her toes in her mouth. Still no rolling, though.

The doctor also told us that starting at 5 months we can start feeding Sadie solid food. My emotional response to this news was about the same as it was to the news that we were going to be having a girl: I got all weepy inside and thought, "Oh my God, I'm catching a glimpse of the future." The thought of sitting Sadie in a high chair, spoon-feeding her strained peas, just does not jibe with my mental picture of her, in which she is perpetually very tiny and has no upper body strength.

While I'm excited to move to that next stage, I'm also saddened by the thought. For more than 4 months now, Sadie has been exclusively breastfed. I never set out to do it that way -- I was always open to the idea of supplementing with rice cereal or straight-up formula feeding if breastfeeding didn't work. But it was never necessary. Breastfeeding, from day one, has been a pleasure. It wasn't always easy -- yes, it hurt the first few weeks (especially at the beginning of mealtime when Sadie would first chomp down and I would involuntarily wince and make what Scott referred to as "that face"). And pumping, of course, is a giant pain in the ass, especially when you have to travel hundreds of miles with a giant mechanical breast pump and dozens of accompanying tiny plastic parts in your suitcase.

Those things aside, though, I can honestly say that feeding Sadie has always been the best part of the day. I love the little "ah, ah, ah" sounds she makes when I sit her down on my lap and she knows the milk is on its way. I love the memory of her when she was only a few weeks old, bobbing her head like a chicken as she tried to locate the right body part to latch onto. I love her "milk drunk" face, where milk dribbles down her chin and her eyes get all heavy and she looks like she's thinking, "ohhh man, I overdid it again." I love the intimacy of it, and how together we've gotten it down to a science, and how convenient it is, and these are all things I will miss one day when she doesn't need the boob anymore.

Sigh...okay, emotional sniffy-ness over, I promise. Several people have asked us what kind of sleep schedule we keep Sadie on, and now that she's becoming consistent, I thought I'd write it down here. I should warn you in advance, though, that Sadie's a very nappy baby and apparently needs more sleep than your average 4 month old. All times are variable by an hour or more:

6:30am: wake up, eat, go back to sleep

9:00am: wake up for good

10:30am-11:30am: morning nap

1pm-1:30pm: midday catnap

3pm: here's where things get dicey. We used to be able to count on Sadie to go down for a solid 2.5 or 3 hours here, but more often now she cries and gets cranky but won't actually sleep until 4pm.

4pm-6pm: afternoon nap, often with wake-ups. I put her paci back in and she goes back to sleep, or sometimes I have to bounce her until she stops crying and gets sleepy again. I've been known to nurse her back to sleep even though according to the doctor this is a no-no.

9pm: bedtime

We've tried to experiment with the schedule, but this seems to work the best. She refuses to take a nap between 6 and 9pm, so if she wakes up at 5pm instead, we just put her to bed an hour earlier and she's cool with it.