*Ring ring*
ME: Hello?
NURSE PRACTITIONER: Hi, Amanda? This is the nurse practitioner from your doctor's office. You left a message for me?
ME: Oh! Yes.
NP: Is everything okay?
ME: I think so. Well -- here's the thing. I'm 38 weeks pregnant. And I receive these weekly emailed updates on what I should expect during my pregnancy? From a website I signed up for?
NP: Uh huh.
ME: And -- well, I'm sure it's nothing. But in this week's update, it mentioned I should be conscious of any vision changes, like if you start seeing flashing lights or floaters? And the thing is, two days ago, I noticed that sometimes I see little flashing lights, if I turn my head really fast?
NP: Okay...
ME: And um...the site said it could be a sign of pre-eclampsia. And that I should call you. Just to be safe.
NP: Have you experienced any dizziness?
ME: No.
NP: (tiny, barely audible sigh) Well...you haven't had any other symptoms, have you? Swelling? Rapid weight gain?
ME: Just...normal amounts, I guess.
NP: Have you had issues with high blood pressure?
ME: No, as of last week everything was normal. (beat) I mean, I know it was nothing. I just thought...because it said I should call my doctor and check, just to make sure.
NP: (gently) It's something new, every day, isn't it? The good news is you won't have much longer to wait.
ME: Can't be soon enough! Ha ha!
NP: (dead silence)
ME: Well, okay then! I feel better! Thanks!
NP: Uh-huh.
*click*
This conversation brought to you by my extreme paranoia.
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