All We Want for Easter are Her Two Front Teeth

A few months ago when Sadie's salivary glands first started to kick in, I wondered if she was teething and tried to look for evidence everywhere that it might be starting to happen. Ooh -- she's chewing on her fist! Is that teething? She seems fussy today -- could she be teething? Ha! Silly me. When teething happens, YOU KNOW. I know this because for the past week, Sadie has been teething. For real.

Teething seems like...not even descriptive enough a word for what she's been going through. "Suffering" might be more apt. "Experiencing the ceaseless sensation of sharp bone slicing through her delicate gum tissue without being able to quaff a martini with a couple of Motrin to take the edge off," even more so. Teething, no doubt about it, sucks.

Oh, new parents, you don't yet know what you're in for. And I only hope that when your babies teethe, it won't be as bad as it's been for us. They tell you it can vary in intensity -- some babies barely feel it, while others have an especially difficult time. Sadie seems to be falling into the latter category. You want specifics? Let's run down this handy list of possible teething symptoms, pulled from the internet, one by one.

Irritability:  Hoo boy, yes. Everything has been making her mad: she fusses when you put her down, when you strap her into her carseat, when it takes more than 0.4 seconds to feed her once she decides she's hungry. The best is when you try to distract her by doing something silly and she starts smiling and crying simultaneously because it hurts to smile.

Drooling:  Oh, gee, let me think. Has she been drooling? Well, today I took her for a walk and forgot to put a bib on her. By the time I lifted her out of the stroller, she'd created a bib of her own. A SPIT BIB that went from her chin, across her chest, all the way down to her belly button. Yeah, I'd say there's drool.

Coughing:  There's a lot of this. It's what happens when you're constantly jamming your index finger down the back of your throat, trying to counter the pressure on your gums. The other day Scott was feeding her and she tried to gum the rubber spoon, but it slid back too far and made her cough and choke. My comment: "Honey, she's truly a Valley Girl. You literally gagged her with a spoon."

Chin rash:  I tried to take a picture so I could show you the evidence of this, but the resolution on my iPhone isn't good enough to do it justice. You'll have to take for granted that a big, bumpy, red, angry rash has spread all over her cheeks and chin.

Biting &
gnawing:  She will bite anything within reaching distance. Today she managed to grab hold of my plastic coffee filter holder and had it in her mouth before I even knew what she was doing. She'd chew on the dogs if they let her. Her favorite chewing object of choice is my shoulder, which feels weird. I'm just about ready to give this girl some chaw and call it a day.

Cheek rubbing
and ear pulling:  Check.

Diarrhea:  Okay, there's ONE symptom she hasn't exhibited yet. And thank Jeebus it's this one.

Low-grade
fever:  Last night she spiked a 99.6 -- low, but enough to make her uncomfortably warm and add to her fussiness even more. Today she seemed to be a little better.

Not sleeping
well:  While I live in fear of the Night of Ten Wake-Ups, she has still been sleeping well and is really only fussy during the day, getting angrier and angrier as the day progresses.

And so it goes on. Our family members and friends have been awesome, bringing over a steady supply of bibs and rubber teethers to keep in the freezer and even a freezable pacifier that I can't wait to use. Also, Orajel is a GODSEND; it has worked so well I've only had to give her Tylenol once or twice when things got really bad. At this point, however, I really just want her to cut the damn tooth already. Not because of my own exasperation, but because after going through this for as long as she has, she deserves something to show for it.