The Age of Reason

As Sadie grows more certain of what she does and doesn't want, and more inclined to battle it out when faced with an unpleasant task, we've had to adjust our own ways of dealing with her in order to maintain order and sanity.

When she was younger, the solution was easy: distraction. If she fought over getting into her stroller or having her diaper changed, a toy dangled over her head or an airplane passing overhead would instantly snap her out of stubborn mode and before she realized it she'd already be doing whatever it was we wanted her to do.

Nowadays she's far too smart for that. Give her a toy and she'll bat it aside with a look that says, "Do you expect me to forget that you just rubbed my wet hair down with a towel when you KNOW I hate that? How stupid do you think I am?" Try to put her in her stroller when she's determined to play at the park for another 20 minutes, even though it's 60 degrees outside and we're both freezing, and she'll scream loud enough for everyone at the park to whip their heads around to see what poor child is being tortured.

Fortunately, we've discovered that with a lengthened attention span and greater clarity and force of will comes another skill: the ability to reason and to be reasoned with. This is truly a surprise to me; I never would have thought a 17 month old kid would be willing to bargain or negotiate. But as I'm quickly learning about my daughter, she's nothing if not attuned to her own best interests.

It started with the eyedrops -- I began showing them to her before applying them, explaining what they were and what their purpose was. Once she understood, she began to tolerate them, albeit reluctantly. I soon began applying this to other things, combining them with another tactic: allowing her to process what it is I'm asking of her and letting her come to her own decision about whether or not she's okay with it.

So now, instead of forcing her into her high chair at mealtime, we get the food ready while she's watching Sesame Street, then show it to her and say, "Sadie, would you like to eat some dinner?" We might offer her a piece of food, just to show her what the goods are. After a minute of consideration, she's MUCH more likely to acquiesce and move to the high chair on her own than she would be if we just grabbed her hands and tried to walk her over.

This worked well at the park yesterday, too. I gave her her usual five minute and two minute warnings that we were going to leave, and then, when the time came, I asked her if she was ready to go home. She paused, considered, then actually replied, "Yes." Miracle of miracles!

Even more impressive, Scott has successfully bargained with her. ("When you finish dinner, then you can go snuggle with Mommy.") I plan to try this tonight with her bath. ("If you'll get out and let me dry your hair, we'll sit down on the couch afterward and watch Elmo's World. Maybe this will be the episode where he successfully matures beyond his irritatingly narcissistic existence and develops the ability to refer to himself in something other than the third person!")