Good Behavior

We had our consultation this weekend with the licensed child psychologist, Dr. Meyer. She's one of those really, really sweet and enthusiastic women, and what she has been telling me over and over is that we should pat ourselves on the back! for having Sadie tested for socio-emotional issues this early in her development. She said this before observing, an hour or so later, that "you guys seem really...laid back about all of this."

Laid back? I guess. Most of the parents who take their children to a child psychologist are probably in a very different mindset from us -- upset, worried, at their wits' end. If she'd met me four months ago, that's exactly the parent she'd have come to know.

At this point, though...it seems like less of a big deal than it used to be. Having Sadie's physical problems diagnosed was a huge relief; watching PT address those problems another relief; and now we're seeing her slowly but surely conquer her emotional demons. Yet we still see in her a strong reluctance and hesitation to try new things, to push herself past what's comfortable in order to learn the skills she needs, at her age, to be learning.

To clarify for anyone who thinks that we're needlessly throwing money at yet another professional who can look at our kid and make pronouncements about her issues...you might be right. We don't know. One of the most frustrating parts about all of this is that from one week to the next, we have no idea if Sadie needs further help in surpassing her motor and emotional delays, or if she'll be able to get there on her own with a little patience and time.

A few weeks ago, for instance, I'd have told anyone that Sadie very much needed help from an expert in child behavior. After seeing her cry herself nearly sick through two PT sessions in a row after Joy had done nothing more than move a toy from one part of the room to another, I was convinced that something was seriously wrong.

But this past week, a simple change -- me leaving the room for her therapy session -- gave us a drastically different result. With me gone, Joy reported having worked with "a completely different child." Without my lap to crawl to, without me to complain to, Sadie cooperated with Joy and even learned some new skills (how to climb up and down stairs). It's the same principle that reassures me that even though Sadie might wail when the nanny arrives each morning and hurl herself into my lap, two minutes after I've left the room to take a shower, she abruptly turns off the waterworks and goes cheerfully about her day.

And if the formula is THAT simple -- if simply removing the problem, me, from the equation, results in Sadie returning to her normal cooperative self -- then why, exactly, would we spend more money and more time and more emotional energy on putting her through another battery of tests? Well, there are arguments in favor of doing so anyway.

For one thing, to deny that Sadie is behind other children her age in terms of ability, independence and confidence is foolish and ultimately unhelpful to her. It's plan as daylight, when you put her in an unfamiliar room with other children her age, that in many ways she's still far behind them. According to a series of tests administered to her by Joy (the Gasell tests), she's still testing at a 10 month level for locomotion and 11 month level for social development. Not a huge gap -- but when you consider that she's almost 15 months old, it's a significant distance to make up.