Further Developments

Month fourteen stretches on. We're all recovered from the holiday flu, which has given birth to a new holiday we will forever refer to as "Pukesgiving."

Now it's Christmastime, and one thing I really love about my life now is having a renewed sense of the holiday spirit. Usually we view Christmas-tree buying, gift-purchasing and holiday card-sending as giant headaches, but it's pretty great now to be able to see it happen through the eyes of someone who has never witnessed it before.

Sadie's obsessed with the Christmas tree. Last year, looking at the lights calmed her down when she was crying -- this year it's all touch, touch, touch. The ornaments specifically entrance her ("What?") and she giggles when she touches the pine needles. ("WHAT? WHAT? WHAT?")

We're now doing tours of toddler programs at local preschools. These are basically Mommy and Me classes, usually held once a week for two hours, and the next time a parent of a young toddler starts fretting out loud about whether or not Junior will ever get into the right preschool, don't get eye-rolly with them too quickly. Because, at least here in LA, they really do stress that if you want your kid to go to a particular preschool, you need to get them into the toddler group first so by the time they hit 3, they'll already be ensconced in the school system and familiar with that school's philosophy.

That means you want to decide on the right toddler group by the time your kid is 18 months old, and ideally much earlier. Last week I toured a preschool right around the corner from us (we live on Preschool Row, there are four of them on Riverside within a mile of each other) and when I told the director that Sadie was 14 months old already, her eyes got wide and she was like, "Ohhhh, you waited." Two other moms on the tour had brought their children with them. One was nine months old was one was eight months.

My primary anxiety about toddler group is that Sadie be physically ready for it. The group we plan to join begins its next session in February, which would put her at 16 months old. She might have learned how to walk since then, but it's a long shot -- she still hasn't learned how to fall over without toppling like a tree, and every fall is terribly traumatic for her and for me. Last Sunday, she was playing with me, Scott and the dogs while hanging onto the ottoman. When she lost her balance, there was no sticking out of the arms or anything -- just BAM, straight over and smacked her head on the floor. That's the worst sound in the world. If there's one thing I'd really like her to learn in PT, it's not how to stand up -- it's how to fall over.

Speaking of PT, we've hit some recent snags. Sadie doesn't really make progress anymore, because she's gone back to crying and tantrum-throwing through the entire hour. Joy and I have tried everything we could think of -- moving appointment times to later in the morning when she might be less tired, letting her play by herself first before trying to work with her, but it doesn't matter. She howls with anger when Joy gets anywhere near her, and once she gets upset, it rapidly turns into a full-blown hurricane of a temper tantrum. It's frustrating for all three of us, especially because Joy has pointed out that physically, she's capable of making great progress. Whatever is holding her back now doesn't have anything to do with physical capability; it's Sadie's own decision that she would rather scream for 60 straight minutes than allow Joy to teach her how to climb up a set of steps.

On Joy's recommendation, I called a licensed child psychologist and explained to her where we're at and the problems we've been having. We had a really good conversation. "Child psychologist" is a scary term and makes it sound as if we're worried we might be raising the next Charlie Manson. In reality, it has more to do with teaching us, the parents and caregivers, to see things from a child's perspective and to incorporate that into how we introduce her to the world. Right now we know that little tiny things in PT can set a tantrum in motion -- we just don't know why that is. One day it could be Joy putting a hand on her leg, the next it could be something as insignificant as not being able to figure out how a new toy works. PT has become a place of frustration and anger rather than accomplishment, and I feel like if Sadie could talk, she'd be yelling, "I don't get it, why are we HERE? I HATE this place. DON'T EFFING TOUCH ME, WOMAN."

This weekend Scott and I meet with the LCP just the two of us, to discuss...well, I'm not sure exactly what we'll be discussing. It's a 2 hour consultation, and after that comes two sessions with me and Sadie, and possibly an in-home session as well. Then the LCP works with us to draw up an action plan -- the best ways to introduce Sadie to new things and the best ways to help her cope when she gets upset. I feel good about the decision to do this; I think it will help all three of us -- not to mention any future kids that show up down the line.