My sister is six years younger than me, but when it comes to kids, she's the expert. She doesn't have her own (yet), but she's been babysitting, caring for, and adoring kids her whole life, whereas I've always tended to view them as cute, bald, alarmingly fragile aliens. The letter she sent me today helped calm me down a lot, so with her permission I'm reprinting it here.
I know that, prior to Sadie, you haven't really spent a whole lot of time around babies... and therefore, you're really forced to listen to doctors/therapists (physical or otherwise), other mothers, daycare providers, nannies, nosy strangers, etc. about what is "normal" and "not normal" in a baby.Thanks for the common sense bitch-slap, sis.
There is always something different about every child. Some are totally ballsy, others are big wimps. Some are total bullies, some get bullied. I baby-sat the son of my 6th grade teacher a few times after class... that kid had some serious aggression. He used to punch and kick the crap out of his little brother until his little bro was SCREAMING his lungs out, and then he'd laugh and laugh. I'm sure that there are 100 doctors out there who would have diagnosed him with some psychotic aggression disorder... maybe even relating it back to some phantom "physical abuse" he must have experienced as an infant... but in reality, he was just a butt. And he grew out of it.There is ALWAYS the shy kid at any day care or school. There's always the one kid who doesn't want to play with the others, or get into the middle of things... the one who hangs back and watches things happen around him/her. The one who isn't nuts about strangers and only calms down when Mommy or Daddy are nearby. Have you had any parents bring their kids over recently so Sadie is in her comfort zone, but still able to interact with other children? She was absolutely perfect when Mom and I watched her... clingy, yes, but after the quick bout of crying after you left, she was fine. And I've yet to baby-sit a kid who DIDN'T start blubbering when Mommy walked out the door, especially right around this age.Don't worry that you've missed (or are in danger of missing) an opportunity to make sure that Sadie is a happy, healthy, well-adjusted, developmentally normal child. I don't think she needs a specialist, or a psychiatrist, or anything like that. Just my opinion... and I know you know her better than I do, but I know kids in general pretty well, and you have yet to say anything to me that makes me think "Oh wow, that IS weird." In case that matters at all. :)
I think Sadie is an unusually determined little girl who's found her comfort zones and doesn't want them messed with. She's also very bright and will use all her tools -- charm, tears -- to get out of uncomfortable situations. Looking at it from her perspective, this makes perfect sense.
ReplyDeleteWhat is hard right now, especially because you can't "talk things out" with her, is dialing down the worry. You're still having to guess about most of this. And with multiple people giving you different advice, no wonder it preys on your mind.
Listen to your sister. She is one of the wisest people I know. You're wise, too, but it's hard to keep perspective when the issues are right there in your face, every day.
As time goes on, you'll learn to trust your judgment more, and that will help relax you and relax Sadie too. You don't have to meet an impossible standard -- no one's keeping score. Sadie loves you, and she already knows you'll do your very best for her. That's all any kid really needs to know.